Set Course for Fail
by ShadowedSerenity
Summary: Follow Noble Team on wacky adventures that hold no relevance at all! Thats right its all fun and games now and hopefully someone will get hurt!
1. Favorites

_**Author Note**_

_**Hello Halo fellow Halo fans : D I finally started my first parody one-shot series here on because hey who doesn't love humor? **_

_**I do not own Halo.**_

_**Enjoy : )**_

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_Carter was relaxing in the break room with Jorge, Emile, and Six after returning from eliminating a Covenant scouting squad. Well he was before Jun walked in._

"_Commander!" The sniper yelled like a tattle-tailing child as he stormed into the room. Carter smacked his palm to his forehead and let his hand slide down his face. Right when he was finally getting a break…_

"_What is it Jun?" Noble One asked exasperated._

"_Kat broke another one of my Sniper Rifles!" He exclaimed as he waved said weapon in his Commander's face. "See!" He yelled pointing at the bent barrel._

"_Kat!"_

"_He provoked me!" The female Spartan defended from her position at the door._

"_How?" Carter asked, masking his irritation. Kat crossed her arms over her chest._

"_He was starring at my arm!" She yelled and looked down sadly at her robotic appendage._

"_So you broke his sniper rifle?" Six inquired with a raised eyebrow. She received a glare from Noble Two._

"_Jun you know that's a sensitive issue for Kat…" Carter began._

"_You always pick her side in arguments!" The sniper interrupted with a pout._

"_I do not!"_

"_Yeah ya' kinda do…" Emile trailed off with a smirk._

"_You're not supposed to pick favorites!" Jun whined._

"_I don't pick favorites…"_

"_She's the only one who gets to call you Carter!" The sniper countered._

"_Well…um…"_

"_Jun of course she's his favorite, they obviously have a thing." Emile explained simply, purposely egging his leader on. Jorge stated slowly backing away from the rooms main table, sensing the oncoming fight. He didn't want to be apart of what was to come, no sir._

"_Emile…" The Commander warned, his eye twitching in anger._

"_What do you mean?" Six asked, being the innocent new member that she was. Ha innocent…_

"_Well ya' see Six," Emile began in the most knowledgeable voice he could conger. "These two have been on Noble since the beginning and have been like this" He crossed his fingers. "ever since. Its not that hard to see that deep down they llloooovveee each other." He teased._

"_Ooohhh." The other Spartan replied with an understanding nod._

"_SIX!" Kat exclaimed in outrage._

"_What? It makes sense to me…"_

"_Ha! I win!" Emile cried victoriously. "Carter and Kat sittin' in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G." He began to sing, terribly out of tune, causing Six to laugh. Seeing the oncoming danger, Jun fled the room, his broken Sniper Rifle forgotten as he booked it out of there. Unfortunately for Emile and Six they were to distracted by their fun to see the looks of pure rage on Noble One and Two's faces as they glared death at them._

"_We do NOT have a THING!" They yelled in unison and lunged for two unfortunate Spartans. That was the last thing Six and Emile ever heard. Jorge stared in shock from his place against the wall._

"_My God!" He said a little louder than he wanted to. Carter and Kat quickly turned around to face him._

"_Do you think we have a thing?" Kat asked menacingly._

"_Um, I'd rather not get involved… Now if you don't mind, I'll be going now." Jorge said a little scared as he tried to slide along the wall away from his commanding officers._

"_Its okay Jorge, you can tell us what you think. We won't do anything to you." Carter soothed, blocking his escape route._

"_Well, I um…uh…" _

"_Just tell us the truth, we can take it." The Commander pushed._

"_Well sir, to tell the truth um, I kinda did think you two had a um thing."_

"_YOU WHAT?" The Spartan III's yelled in unison. _

"_Uh-oh." Jorge managed before he was tackled. Unfortunately all three failed to realize that Kat was still in her armor and grenades were still strapped to her belt. They noticed to late that one came lose and the safety came off._

"_Oh shi-" BOOM!_

_..._

_And that is how Noble Team really died and how Jun became the only survivor._

_The End._

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_**Sorry I just had to do that haha. Hope you all liked it! Stay tuned for more pointless Noble stupidity : D! **_


	2. T Time

**Hello people : D! This chapter is dedicated to a friend of mine because well as you can guess from the title is a T-bagger, and if there is one thing the pisses me off its T-bagging 0-o. Note that in this chap it is a different Noble Six. Why? Because I don't like to even think about my Six T-bagging "shudders" anyway, hope you like it! More in this and the other fics coming soon : D!**

**I do not own Halo, I only own my soul! Haha I thought that would be funny… yeah it wasn't huh? …. Moving on… -.-**

**Enjoy : )**

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Jun and Six were bringing up the rear as Noble Team scouted out a supposed rebel hideout. Jun, trusty sniper rifle in hand was stealthily making his way down the hall when he heard an insistent thumping coming from somewhere in the metal halls. Noble Three peeked around the corner, only to see Emile at the end standing perfectly still. It must be something behind me. The sniper thought, ready to blast the mysterious thumpers brains out. He turned around, and immediately regretted it because of what he saw.

"Six!" The green clad Spartan looked up. "The Hell are you doing?" The sniper demanded.

"Nothing! I wasn't doing anything!" Six replied, stepping to the side, though her voice was that of one who knew they were busted.

"I saw what you were doing Six! Honestly that's just disgusting." He shuddered, poor dead Elite. "You can't just dominate things that are dead Six, its just not right…"

"Its called T-bagging for your information!" She defended.

"It don't care what its called its messed up!" Jun practically shouted.

"What the Hell is goin' on back there?" Came Emile's harsh voice.

"Nothing!" Six and Three piped in unison.

"Okay something's up, I'm comin' back there!" Noble Four growled in irritation. _Oh shit._ Six and Jun looked at each other.

"This is your fault you tattle-tale!"

"Is not! You're the one being a necrophilia!" Jun defended.

"Yeah well… your bald!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything!"

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"You don't even make sense!"

"Yeah well-"

"What are you two doing?" Emile stood with his arms crossed over his chest, the skull carved into his helmet glaring at them.

"She started it!"

"I don't care who started it Jun, I'm here to finish it. Now what's goin' on?"

"She was T-bagging!" Emile raised his eyebrow as he turned his head to Six.

"Really?" The Warrant Officer asked in a tone that said 'are you really that stupid?'.

"Well he called me stupid!"

"Did not!"

"Did to."

"Did not!"

"Did to!" This continued for a while until Emile thought his head would explode.

"That's it!" The skull-faced warrior shouted and grabbed the two arguing Spartans by the backs of their necks before slamming their helmets together almost viciously. The two moaned in pain and Emile dropped them both. "Now I hope you two learned your lesson." He said victoriously before he went to catch up with the rest of Noble.

"Truce?" Jun moaned through the pain.

"Truce." Six groaned as she rubbed her helmet, trying to get rid of the massive headache that had formed.

From that day forth Six never T-bagged again.

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**Man I wish I could get my friend to stop T-bagging. Hmm if only I could get Emile to kick her ass for me….."stares off into space wistfully" Well hoped you liked it : ) I plan on updating this and my other fics a lot once winter break starts and hopefully some before then. See you next time : D**


	3. CHOCOLATE!

**Author note**

**Hey people! This chapter is in honor of my love for chocolate. A love I hope you share. If you're a chocoholic then you KNOW were Six is coming from haha.**

**I own nothing! **

**Enjoy : )**

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The base was calm when Noble Six woke up later than usual. She wasn't normally a morning person but today she felt alive and refreshed. She headed for the break room to grab a nice snack of her favorite food. She hummed a tune to herself as she walked down the halls with a skip in her step. She was excited to finally be able to have her favorite food, she even had a secret stash hidden in the break room to prevent withdrawal symptoms. She opened the door to her destination, only to see her worst nightmare.

"Jun, what are you eating?" She said in a very strained voice. Her eye and entire left side began twitching but the sniper didn't seem to notice.

"Chocolate!" He took another large bite of the bar in his hand. "Me and Jorge found an entire stash of the stuff." He munched happily away. "Do you want some?" He offered a bar to her with an innocent smile on his face.

"That was MY CHOCOLATE!" She screeched in anger.

"Oh no." Jorge mumbled and dropped the chocolate he had been eating.

"What?" Jun asked eyeing the fuming and twitching Six warily.

"You NEVER come between a woman and her chocolate."

"Why? What's the big deal?" Right then Six lunged for the sniper with an inhuman war cry.

"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR STEALIN' MY CHOCOLATE BITCH!" She yelled as she continued to pummel Jun until he was unconscious. Jorge starred at her in shock.

"What the Hell Six!"

"You're next big man!" Six growled as she stalked towards the Spartan II.

"Oh God… AAAHHHH!" Jorge took off running with Six hot on his heels.

The chase continued down the halls for a while, Six slowly but surely wearing the older Spartan down. As Jorge flew past a corner, he spotted Emile through an open door.

"Emile HELP MEEEEE!" Jorge yelled as he sprinted by. Emile looked up in confusion only to see a blur as Six passed the doorway a split-second later.

"Huh?" Noble Four heard aloud crash.

"Please Six I didn't know it was yours!"

"LIAR!"

"I swear!"

"You should have known!"

"No please Six not the- OOOWWWW!" Emile watched the door with wide eyes. _What the Hell is going on? _Pretty soon he saw Six step into view, wiping her hands together with a victorious smirk on her face.

"Uh Six,"

"Yeah?" She asked innocently, with a sickly sweet smile plastered on her face.

"What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing." He raised an eyebrow.

"Really..?"

"Yep, nothing to see here!" She nervously laughed.

"So where's Jorge?" He questioned seriously.

"Uh… napping."

"Oh really?" He asked skeptically. "Sounded like you two were in a fight." He pressed, trying to get the guilty looking Spartan to tell him what was going on.

"No." She defended, though sweat was starting to bead her brow and she was jittering like a cell-phone on vibrate.

"I heard him screaming Six." She cracked.

"He had it coming! He ate my chocolate!" Her eyes flitted from side to side. "Bye Emile, have a nice day!" And she ran down the hall. Emile just stood there with his mouth gapping open.

"What just happened?" He asked to himself after Six was gone. He would never understand the newest member of Noble, though he figured he should still go check to see what she had done to Jorge…

Carter was enjoying a nice morning walk through the base's halls when he heard a mysterious noise coming from the break room. Curious, he went to investigate. He stepped inside, only to find Jun out cold on the floor.

"Uh Jun?" The Commander asked. The only response he got was a groan. Sighing, Carter walked to the sink and filled a cup that he retrieved from the cupboard. He returned to Jun and stood over him for a few seconds before dumping the cold water on Noble Three's face. Jun spluttered and jolted up, looking around him with a wild look in his eyes. "What were you doing sleeping on the floor soldier?" Carter's tone was slightly amused.

"I wasn't sleeping!" He looked around quickly before standing up to face his Commander. The sniper leaned forward. "_She_ got me." He whispered ominously.

"Who?"

"That crazy maniac! Beware Commander… _Beware_…" He said, backing away towards the door.

"What on Earth are you talking about Jun?" Carter demanded, the sniper was starting to creep him out.

"DON'TEATTHECHOCOLATE!" He yelled unintelligibly before running out of the room, screaming and gurgling all the way until Carter could no longer hear him.

"Well… that was weird." He sighed again. "I need a vacation…" He grumbled to himself as he set about look for something to eat that would relax him. On the counter to his right he spotted a pile of chocolate. _Just what I need_. He thought to himself before he grabbed a bar off the top of the pile. He plopped down on the couch and opened the wrapper part way. He was about to take a bite when the door opened.

"Hey there Commander!" Six greeted cheerily after spotting his head over the back of the couch. _That's weird, Six is never this happy in the morning. _

"Hello Six." He replied. "Having a nice morning?" He asked with a suspicious edge to his voice.

"Oh yeah, I-" She turned around and froze when she saw Carter. "Commander, what are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm eating a chocolate bar. What does it look like I'm doing Six?" He said confused at how she missed the obvious.

"That was my chocolate." She said, her tone deadly. It all clicked into place for Carter.

"Oh Shit."

"RRRAAAAHHHH!" Six lunged at him, the couch toppling over in the process.

Six sat happily on her surprisingly comfortable seat, chomping away at her chocolate bar with an air of pure happiness.

"Can you please get off me now?" Her chair growled angrily.

"Nope! Sorry Commander, but I can't let you up until you promise never to touch my chocolate again." She said cheerily.

"I promise, I promise! God after this I never want to touch a damn piece of chocolate for the rest of my life!" He exclaimed. Smirking triumphantly, Six stood up. She knew no one would touch her chocolate again.

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**Oh chocolate I love you so. Haha this was so fun to write. I am more than open to suggestions for these and my serious one-shot series, so if you have an idea that you'd like to share than come to me : D. Hope you guys liked it! Next one involves space, the final frontier! Haha I finally have an excuse to say that : P. Thank you for your reviews! See you next time!**


	4. Expect the Unexpected

**Author note**

**Hey! Well looks like I lied when I said next chap would have space but this idea came to me and I just couldn't pass it up. Next chap will be out whenever I can get the time.**

**I do not own Halo!**

**Hope you like it : )**

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Six flew the Pelican at top speed, trying every trick in the book to shake the Banshees off her and Jun's tail. There was an explosion and the dropship shook as alarms began to go off.

"Shit they hit one of our engines, lucky bastards." Six growled as she rammed the Pelican's controls to the left, dodging another green blast.

"Oh my God we're gonna die aren't we!" The sniper panicked as he clutched the pack of the pilot's seat in fear.

"We're not gonna die Jun," Six reassured in a calming voice. "everything will be just-" There was another violent shake and more sirens blared. The other engine had been hit. "Yep… we're gonna die."

"NOOOO! I'm to young to die!" He wailed and grabbed Six around the shoulders. "Hold me, I don't want to die alone!" Six looked at the screen flashing WARNING in big red letters, looked out the front window at their rapidly falling altitude and shrugged.

"Oh what the Hell." She threw her arms around the sniper and they screamed in unison as the Pelican continued to plummet.

"Six, if I don't make it, I just want you to know that…"

"What Jun?" She asked, trying to hide her fear. They were getting closer to the ground.

"that I'm not gay!" Six stopped screaming and sobbing and looked at him quizzically.

"Wait, really?" She asked surprised.

"What do you mean REALLY? You thought I was GAY?" He yelled, outraged.

"Well…"

"DUDE!"

"I'm sorry okay! You just gave off that kind of vibe." She said guiltily.

"I cannot believe you!" He accused angrily.

"Well you know what Jun if it hadn't been for me we would have been dead a while ago. But I saved our asses while you were panicking in the back like a pansy!"

"I hate you."

"Right back at ya' you son of a-" The Pelican burst into flames as it slammed into the ground.

The rest of Noble Team froze in the Falcon they were in when the heard the explosion over their comms.

"Six?" Emile asked. No response. "SIX?" He yelled, slightly panicked. Again no response. Noble Four bowed his head, his team members staring at him expectantly. "We lost Six." He said sadly, failing to keep the emotion out of his voice."What about Jun?" Carter asked, raising an eyebrow at the other Spartan.

"Oh yeah uh.. We lost him two." Emile stammered out quickly, embarrassed. They all looked at him questioningly. Oh no! Now they knew his deepest darkest feelings! Time for the master plan.

"You know nothing!" Emile yelled spastically before leaping up out of his seat and jumping out of the Falcon. No one could know of Emile's feelings, and no one ever would. They had been flying over an ocean.

"Yell that was unexpected." Kat said and Carter nodded. Jorge was to busy crying his eyes out for poor Noble Six, not even realizing that Emile was no longer in the Falcon.

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**Haha its nice getting that outa my system. This chap is for who has been my most avid reviewer for this story and who showed my with her amazing fic that our little Jun could have been seen as gay XD. **

**Love you Emile! Sorry but you seem to be the kind of person to hide you feelings haha even if it means jumping out of a helicopter thingy flying over the ocean : P.**

**See ya'll next time!**


	5. What If?

**Author note**

**Looks like I lied! I wanted to give you something before finals week and thus, this chapter was born! When I first got the idea for this it was just for Jorge then I thought "why not all of them". To escape my depression of Noble Team's death (cries my eyes out) I decided to do a parody version of how they died, its sick I know but I need to heal! "cough" moving on. Well next chap of this and my other two Noble Team fics should be out after next week so enjoy this time waster : P.**

**I do not own Halo.**

**Enjoy!**

**Jorge**

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Jorge carried Six to the opening in the massive Covenant cruisers side. He looked into her visor, his eyes calm.

"Looks like this is it Six." She said nothing, only clutching his hand tighter, her other grasping his dog-tags firmly. "Six," He started but paused, unable to finish."Yes Jorge?"

"Promise me something.

"Anything."

"Promise me you'll never let go." He said, inching her closer to the barrier between them and space.

"I promise Jorge." She said, trying to prevent herself from crying.

"Say the words."

"I'll never let go." He seemed content with that, and made to push her out of the cruiser, but her hand was still grasping his tightly.

"Six let go."

"But you told me not to!" She whined.

"Just do it!" He ordered sternly, trying to shake her off.

"No!"

"Fine then, I'll make you!" He took his free hand and shoved her forcefully, trying to get her off his arm. After a very difficult struggle, he managed to pry the Spartan III off of him. With one quick shove he dislodged Noble Six, and sent her falling through space.

"JOOORGEEEE!" Six cried, adding slow-motion movements to her overly dramatic fall back to Reach as she yelled Jorge's name as slowly as she could.

Six fell like a feather, also known as not fast at all. She was actually beginning to get board until she noticed something that definitely was not good.

"Wait, Jorge my helmet is loose! Aaaaaaahhhhh!" The spaceship exploded. "SHIT! NOO, JORGE!" She screamed, holding her helmet to her head as tightly as she could. She now officially hated space.

**Kat**

Noble Team ran to the two elevators, trying to escape the radiation flare. Carter, Emile, and Jun piled into one while Kat and Six got into the other.

"Oh God we're gonna die!" Jun wailed, clutching at Emile's arm in fear.

"You ALWAYS think we're going to die Jun! Now. Get. Off. Me." The aggressive Spartan growled as he shoved sniper off of him violently.

"Emile, stop being insensitive. Jun, just stop being a pansy!" Carter ordered, getting sick of his Spartans behavior, especially in such a small space.

"Told you Jun was a whiney bitch." Six muttered over the comm.

"Really? I can hear you!"

"All of you just shut up!" Kat yelled, her Russian accent thick with irritation.

"He started it!"

"Why you…"

"Jun, Emile, knock it off! That's an order!"

"Yes sir!" The two offending soldiers chorused as the elevator continued its rapid decent downwards. After a moment of silence, Six spoke up.

"Sooo… what we doin after we get outta here?" She asked casually, tuning out the explosions in the back round.

"Hmm… Oh we should have a scary movie night!" Emile suggested excitedly. He loved scary movies, which he thought were not scary but hilarious unlike any normal person.

"But I don't like scary movies, they give me nightmares!" Jun whined. "Last time we watched one I couldn't sleep for a week!"

"That's just because you're a sissy crybaby." Emile said as if he were explaining something to a four year old. Jun said nothing, instead he just stood in the corner of the elevator and sulked until they hit the desired floor.

"How about a Team dinner." Six suggested, stepping out of the elevator while ignoring the visible flaming city.

"Oh that reminds me! Carter, we're still on for dinner Tue-" Kat was cut off mid sentence by the Covenant sniper.

"KAT!" Carter yelled, his heart broken at the lost of his obvious lover.

"OH MY GOD!" Six exclaimed in shock as Kat dropped to the ground beside her.

"WAAAIIIT!" Jun yelled, immediately getting the attention of his shocked comrades, minus Carter. "What was she going to say?" Carter lunged for the sniper's neck.

**Carter**

"Mother! We can't get past it sir." Emile said as he looked at the giant Scarab blocking his and Six's path.

"No you can't… I'll have to get rid of it." Commander Carter replied from his position in the Pelican as he circled the large Covenant machine.

"How? Your guns on that thing aren't worth shit!" Emile pointed out. "And its on fire!" He said, staring at the burning Pelican.

"I'll have to ram it." Carter stated, accepting his fate.

"Wait why would you do that? We can just-"

"Shhhhh Six, the men are talking. Go pick flowers or somethin" Emile soothed.

"Excuse me?" Six yelled in out rage, Emile ignored her.

"I understand sir. Hit him hard boss." Noble Four said respectfully.

"Rodger that,"

"WAIT!" Six yelled again but was once again ignored by the two males.

"You're own your own you two. And for the record Emile, you're an ass." Carter's Pelican slammed into the Scarab in a burst of pretty lights.

"NOOO! God you two are idiots!"

"And why is that Six?" Emile asked like the cocky male that he was.

"One," She held a finger up in front of Emile's face. "my first suggestion was that you and I take another route so that the Scarab wouldn't have been a problem. And two," She held up a second finger and jabbed Emile in the chest with her free hand. "Why didn't you just tell the Commander to put that thing on autopilot so that he could have jumped out and lived?"

"Oh… didn't think about that… you know that would have been the smarter option." Emile mused thoughtfully.

"No shit Sherlock!"

**Emile**

"Emile watch out!" Six cried when she saw an Elite try and sneak up her last remaining team mate. She was to late, the Elite ran its energy sword trough the Spartans back killing him instantly.

"EMILE, NOOO!" Just as she said it Emile seemed to pop up out of nowhere onto the platform he had previously been on.

"Don't you know that Spartans never die?" He pulled out his Kukri. "They just respawn bitch!" He yelled and rammed the knife into the more than surprised Elite's neck, then pulled the both of them over the edge of the platform. "Oh shit there's another one!" Six heard a few shots go off, a variety of cussing out, and the mismatch of whatever sounds Elites make before she heard Emile over the comm once again. "Ha ha take that mother fudgas! I win! Oh shit I'm stuck! Get it off, get it off, get it off!" The plasma grenade detonated, taking Emile with it.

Yep, Spartans die.

**This was random as Hell even for me. If any of you get the joke I made in a reference in the Jorge part you win a hug and some chocolate chip pancakes : D, though I'll tell you where its from in the next chap anyways but you have a week to guess! Kat's death was so sudden and shocking that I literally sat staring at my TV screen with a WTF expression on my face until the next level started, so I thought I would take that abruptness and make it funnyish… : (… Moving on. I do think that Carter could have easily done that with the Pelican if he wasn't already screwed but hey. And Emile my dear I just had to make you sexist for that, it was just to tempting.**

**If you have any ideas for this fic please tell me! I need funny ideas!**

**Love you all my precious reviewers and see you next time! Happy Holidays : D!**

**Shadow out.**


	6. A Very Merry Mission

Author note

**Hey all of you lovely people! Its almost Christmas : D! So here is my gift to you. Note that I might do I little Christmas story for Noble but I was running out of time and thus, this was born from my genius… or lack thereof. **

**And I'll give you a hint from the reference I made last chapter… Saddest movie ever involving water. Only hint you get. Come on I know at least one of you knows it.**

**I do not own Halo.**

**Enjoy this gift from me to you : ).**

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"I hate Christmas." Emile grumbled. Time seemed to stop as Six, Jorge, and Jun gawked at him in shock. Jun finally broke the silence.

"But it's the most wonderful tiiiime of the yeeaar!" The sniper sang in the deepest voice he could manage, ending with a large grin.

"How can you hate Christmas? It's the best holiday." Six stated matter-of-factly.

"Is not, Halloween is the best!" Noble Four countered.

"The only reason you like it is because you're always in costume and you get to scare little marines and ODSTs, Skull-face." She snapped back.

"Both of you knock it of, you're ruining the Christmas spirit!" Jorge yelled, ending the argument immediately. "Give us one good reason why you don't like Christmas." The Spartan II said after a short while.

"I just don't like it, okay."

"But it's the most wonderfu-"

"Jun if you sing that one more time I'm gonna kick your ass." Emile warned the singing Spartan. The sniper closed his mouth with a pout, resorting to humming the old classic Christmas tune.

"Well then we'll just have to convince you of its loveliness." Jorge said in a cheery voice. "We will make you BELIEVE!" He shouted back as he and his two companions dashed out of the room, determined to get the aggressive Spartan into the Christmas spirit.

**Later in the break room…**

"So how are we going to do this?" Jun asked, adjusting the green elf hat on his bald head in boredom.

"Good question." Six replied. Jorge rubbed his scruffy chin thoughtfully, the ball on the tip of his Santa hat bumping the side of his head.

"Hey Jorge, what did we do to get the Commander into the Christmas spirit last year?" The sniper questioned his older friend.

"Hmm… I don't think _we _did anything, Kat's the one who finally got him into it." Jun raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh," He said lengthily before turning his pervy expression to Six. "Well, we could do it that way." Six looked at him with a disgusted expression.

"Aw Hell no! I am not going to do _anything_ in that context with Emile involved." She glared at the still grinning Jun.

"You sure about that?" The sniper asked with an evil grin.

"Jun, what are you doing with that ribbon Jun? Jun? No! Don't come any closer Jun! JUN!" There was a brief scuffle involving an incredibly long roll of Christmas ribbon and a struggling Noble Six. "Jorge why aren't you doing anything? Heeeelllp meeeee!" Jun proceeded to gag the struggling Spartan with a Christmas stocking and place a large red bow on her head.

"Aw she's so cute all wrapped up in a ribbon." Jorge said in a tone one would use when talking to a baby.

"Mmm mph murm ma mrr!" Six struggled as she tried to say something through her stocking gag.

"But she doesn't look like a proper present yet." Jun argued as he looked at his ribbony victim.

"Oh I know, we could put her in a box and wrap it up!" Jorge suggested gleefully.

"MM, MM!" Six protested, shaking her head violently.

"You're a genius!" Jun praised but them slumped. "But how are we going to find a box that big?"

"We could use a crate.." At this point Six tried to worm away from her two planning team mates, failing miserably.

"Good plan."

**In the conveniently empty mess hall…**

Emile stomped into the mess hall, grumbling to himself about irritating team mates and stupid ODSTs. He sat down in one of the small chairs and glared at the Christmas tree in the corner, decorated terribly by marines… and Jorge and Jun. Last year it was a mission with those two, they had their now legendary operation "Get Emile into the Christmas spirit" and it failed. Only this time they had a new recruit, Noble Six. Who knew what kind of devious Christmas related plans those three could think of. Emile shivered at the thought and continued to glare at the Christmas tree, wondering if his glare could cause it to disappear. Then he noticed something he felt stupid for not seeing earlier. Next to the Christmas tree was a giant box wrapped in red Christmas paper with a large green bow on top. Emile stared at it curiously. It was odd to have presents under he tree, let alone one of this size. The Assault specialist walked over to the large box and examined it. Finding a tag attached to the ribbon, he decided to find out a bit more about the mysterious package.

_To: Emile, From: Santa and Elf ; ). _The tag read.

Noble Four rolled his eyes.

"Better just get this over with…" He said to himself before he began to peel the paper off the large package. He stared at the now visible crate with apprehensive eyes. "What have they done this time?" He shook his head and shrugging, lifted the lid of the crate. "What the-!" He yelled in surprise when he saw what was in the box.

Noble Six was tied up with Christmas ribbon, a bow on her head, and was gagged with a Christmas stocking. When she saw him looking down at her with a surprised expression she began to struggle and mumble incoherent things through the stocking. After recovering from shock Emile reached down and laced his fingers through the ribbon that pined Six's arms to her side and hauled her out of the crate. He held the other Spartan up with one hand and pulled his Kukri out with the other, proceeding to cut Six out of her bonds.

"Thank you!" Six said joyously as soon as she got the gag out of her mouth.

"No problem, but can you tell me why you were in a crate addressed to me?" The aggressive Spartan asked curiously.

"Jorge and Jun are crazy. That is the only explanation you need." She said, stretching her muscles from being cramped in a box.

"Well its very suspicious, they even put a little winking face." He said with mock thoughtfulness, just trying to get Six to tell him what Jorge and Jun's plan was.

"Those little… I'm gonna kill them!"

"And why would that be?" He pressed.

"Okay fine, I'll tell you!" She cried, throwing her arms up in annoyance. _That was easier that I thought it would be. _Emile mused. "They wanted to try and do what Kat did for the Commander last year." He looked at her with wide eyes. "Not my free will!" She defended, gesturing to the box. Emile stared at Six. Noble Three and Five were gonna do what now? Emile thought back to the last year. The Commander had seemed down, but the second Kat got a minute with him he came out happy and in the holiday spirit. He let his eyes travel over her again and came to a conclusion. He looked at her face, but she was staring above them with a look that said 'really?'.

"Remind me to kill those two." She murmured, her eyes still upward. He followed her gaze and his eyes landed on an unexpected sight. A little sprig of mistletoe hung from the ceiling above them.

"Sooo…" Six looked at Emile with her arms crossed.

"Oh, did you want something?" She asked in a slightly teasing tone.

"Well don't want to go against tradition now do we?" He smirked cheekily.

"Oh shut up." She growled before placing her lips on his. Noble Four kissed her back happily. It was a great moment until a certain voice tore through it.

"I saw mommy kissing Saaanta Claus uuuunderneath the miiiiistletoooooe!" The kiss broke off.

"Well that killed the mood." Emile muttered in disappointment.

"Damn you and your timing Jun!" Six yelled at the Spartan leaning against the door frame.

"Oh come on Six its Christmas, you can't beat me on Christmas." He said sweetly. "And besides, you cant tell me you didn't like it." He said in a singsong voice.

"Jun I'm gonna give you a five second head start." She said evilly.

"Oh common Six, get into the Christmas spirit. Six? Six, you're not serious are you? Six?" The sniper inquired, slightly frightened.

"I'd run if I were you." Emile suggested. Jun took off at a sprint, realizing the danger he was in.

"Five." Six said with a smirk before taking off after Jun. "Come here Jun!"

"Help meeee! Ouch! No Six! Come on Six, you can take a joke right? Six? Six? Oh God have mercy on my soouul!" Emile smiled genuinely, he had to say he kind of liked Christmas now, especially with a gift like _that_.

**Later…**

Jun awoke tied to the top of the Christmas tree with ribbon and a paper star taped to his head. He groaned and shifted his feet, only to hear a groan that wasn't his own. The sniper looked down, and met a pair of hazel eyes.

"Could you not move Jun, your kicking my head when you do." Jorge remarked from his position of being strapped to the Christmas tree with a lot of garland, various ornaments hanging from his uniform.

"Sorry." The sniper mumbled and sighed, his happiness fading. "Oh Christmas tree! Oh Christmas tree! How very painful you be-e-e!" He sung quietly.

"Please stop singing." The Spartan II begged, blowing a piece of tinsel out of his face. This was by far the worst Christmas the two Spartans had ever had.

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**That was fun haha. Six always gets her revenge… Hope you all liked it! Please review and feed me ideas or requests. Trust me, I'm open to just about anything right now, just about. Possibly more Christmas mayhem coming at your request! **

**Thank you for reading! Reviewers get to sing with Jun! Haha I'm just kidding, unless you would want to… 0.o**

**Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Holidays!**


	7. When Snipers Fail

**Author note**

**Hey everyone! Sorry I'm late but I've been working on my main Halo fic (and playing Reach Live :D) so I've been a little short on time (attention span). This fic is in honor of Jun, who manages to snipe me in the head every SINGLE time I play "The Package", Normal, Heroic, or Legendary. Every. Single. Time. 0-o. You should know that I really don't like Halsey, so… you know what happens when a fanfic writer has a character they don't like. Anyway… Oh yes, since I suck so much with grammar and spelling, I'm looking for a Beta for my Halo fics if anyone is willing to volunteer :D.**

**I do not own Halo. If I did, you would be able to kill Jun for revenge.**

**Enjoy : ).**

**

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The four remaining members of Noble Team fought to defend Doctor Halsey's lab from the seemingly endless amount of Covenant troops. After what seemed like an eternity of doing nothing but whooping Covie ass, the waves of enemies began to grow smaller and unfortunately, a whole lot harder to kill. Six ducked behind one of the conveniently present sandbag walls as another volley of plasma was sprayed in her direction, covering the wall behind her with scorch marks.

"God, can't they just die already?" Six yelled, referring to the three Elites and single Hunter that remained. Jun fired his Sniper Riffle, finally managing to down the massive green alien.

"Thanks." Emile growled as the Hunter fell, happy that it went down before it could hit him who knew how far. The aggressive Spartan quickly engaged the Elite with the Plasma Rifle, giving Six the opportunity she needed to take down a golden Zealot with an Energy Sword while Carter took on a Ranger with a Needler Rifle. The hyper-lethal Spartan rushed the large alien warrior, the Elite roaring in challenge. Six activated the Energy Sword she had picked up in Sword Base and the two blades clashed together. The female Spartan obviously had the situation under control, the large Zealot not even coming close to outmatching her. Suddenly, unexpectedly, and unfortunately, there came the loud crack of a Sniper Rifle and Six and the Elite collapsed to the ground in unison.

"SIX!" Emile yelled as the other Spartan hit the ground, the sniper round having gone through her head. Carter just stared at the fallen Lieutenant in shock, not even able to comprehend what had just happened. Emile turned around slowly before the fearsome skull on his visor met the face of the culprit. Jun froze.

"E-Emile, I swear that was an accident." Noble Three stuttered, utterly terrified. Emile was practically shaking with anger.

"You just killed Six." Emile said coldly, trying to sound as detached as possible.

"I didn't see… I was trying to help.." Jun tried to explain as Emile stepped closer and closer to him, but the snipers excuses were useless..

"She was doing just fine before you decided to HELP her!" The aggressive Spartan yelled.

"I'm sorry!"

"Sorry isn't good enough Jun!"

"Please don't hurt me! Ow! Emile! Oh sweet Jesus! No, not my Sniper Rifle! What, it's not like she was your girlfriend or something. Ahh, Snipe-y, NOOOOOO! COMANDER!" Jun cried out as Emile painfully beat him in his grief driven rage. Carter finally snapped out of it.

"Emile!" The skull-faced Spartan turned his head towards his leader, one fist ready to strike Jun's already bloody and bruised face, the other pinning the sniper to the wall of Halsey's lab. "Let him go." Emile didn't even flinch. "That's an order, soldier." The Warrant Officer growled before dropping Jun, who immediately ran and hid behind the Commander.

"Lucky son of a bitch." Emile grumbled.

"I didn't mean-"

"SILENCE!" Jun whimpered in fear. Carter rolled his eyes and stepped away from the pathetically cowering Spartan. Noble One stopped next to Emile, placing a hand on his armored shoulder.

"I feel you, Four, I feel you…" Carter sympathized. _Damn snipers…_

"Spartans, I'm opening the door to the lab now." Halsey's indifferent voice came over the comm.

"Its about damn time!" Emile snapped.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing…. bitch." The aggressive Spartan mumbled the last word.

XXX

The three remaining members of Noble finally entered Halsey's lab. Strange multicolored lights flowed from around the underground room into a giant ball, with a mysterious feminine figure inside of it.

"The Hell is this stuff?" Emile asked rudely.

"Knowledge, a birth-"

"Knowledge? How the Hell can that be in a physical form?" Noble Four interrupted the doctor.

"Well-"

"Yeah whatever. So what do you want us to do with this shit?" Halsey's eye twitched in irritation. _Damn Spartan III's, mouthing off to her all the time... (_Not that she didn't deserve it…) Halsey walked over to one of the many computers in the room and began typing something.

"Yes well as I was saying, this is knowledge, this AI is its custodian, and she has chosen you for her curios." Halsey explained.

"Since when are Spartans chosen by an AI?" This time Halsey just ignored Emile.

"There is a shipyard with a cruiser waiting to get her off planet, your team needs to get her there."

"I understand." Carter nodded.

"Do you?" Catherine asked in a bitchy manner. "Mankind is outmatched. When Reach falls, and fall it will. Our destruction is all but certain."

"Wow, Doc, way to be pessimistic." The Warrant Officer was really starting to piss her off.

"As I was saying!" The old woman said loudly in an aggravated voice. "All hope is lost unless you can get this AI off Reach!"

"And what if we can't?" Carter asked, not being a positive thinker himself. All positivity flew out the window for him when Kat died.

"Good question, if there was anywhere else to put our hope. But there's not so…" She walked over to another pedestal, punched a few keys and removed a large bulky tube-like carrying device with a blue circle in the middle. Emile looked at it skeptically.

"That's an AI?"

"Yes." Halsey said through gritted teeth, a vein on her forehead throbbing from her anger.

"Now where's the Lieutenant? The AI chose her as her carrier."

"Ummm."

"Um what?"

"Jun.. kind of… killed her." Carter tried to explain while the sniper flinched and Emile balled his hands into fists.

"WHAT?"

"She's dead, Doctor." Carter said sadly.

"Oh well that's just fantastic! Now I half to pick a different carrier!" The three Spartans glared at the seemingly heartless old woman from behind their visors. Halsey let her gaze travel over the soldiers. Emile was out, and if Jun had been the one to kill Six then he was definitely out. That left Carter. "Here, Commander. I'm placing humanities last hope in your hands."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Not to rush this 'hope of humanity' thing, but we gotta get out of here before this place blows." Emile said in a voice that obviously showed that he didn't care that he interrupted the very dramatic moment.

"Right, lets get going, Noble… and Doctor." Carter ordered as he magnetized the AI's container to his back plate.

XXX

The three remaining members of Noble Team stood with Doctor Halsey between two Pelicans. One for her, and one for them. Carter looked down at the doctor thoughtfully.

"Jun, escort the doctor off planet." Carter said. In all honesty, he could care less about Halsey's safety. He just didn't want Jun and his crappy shot to screw anything else up.

"I require no escort, Commander." Halsey said in her usual bitchy tone.

"Good, later bitch!" Emile said as he stepped into the carrier bay of the Pelican on the right, giving the doctor a mock salute as he went.

"Okay then. Come on Jun, lets go." Carter sighed before going to the cockpit of the Pelican. Jun stood as far away from Emile as the Pelican would allow, still afraid that the aggressive Spartan might resume beating the crap out of him. Carter sat down in the pilots seat.

"Dot, where we headed?" The AI replied like a crapy GPS system, telling the Commander where to go. "Al right, lets go." The Pelican took off, leaving Halsey behind with her escort.

"I hate III's." The doctor grumbled as she watched Noble fly away.

XXX

"We got Banshees and a Phantom on our tail!" Emile yelled as Carter flew their Pelican trough a canyon.

"Great!" The Commander yelled sarcastically as he tried to speed the dropship up. Jun pulled out his surprisingly unbent Sniper Rifle and took aim at one of the Banshees.

"Oh hell no!" Emile growled, snatching the long gun out of the snipers hands.

"Noo! Leave her alone!" Jun cried as he made a grab for his precious weapon of failed aim.

"Nope, we need _her_ to stop the Banshees with out your shit-shot baldy." Emile hefted the Sniper Rifle in one hand and sighted along the length of it. He gave a hum of satisfaction and through the gun like a spear. Surprisingly it slammed into the front of one of the small purple Covenant craft, causing it to loose control and slam into its partner. The two Banshees exploded in a burst of purple flames.

"NOOOOO! I'll never forget you my love!" Jun wailed as he watched his Sniper Rifle burn.

"Now you know how it feels bitch." "How dare you!" Jun leapt at Emile and the two engaged in a vicious brawl. Unfortunately for the two Spartans, they were fighting dangerously close to the edge. Emile grabbed Jun by the cloth hood on his armor and threw him out of the back of the Pelican, to bad for Emile that Jun managed to grab his hand and pull the other Spartan with him. Since the Pelican was going so fast, the two flew backwards instead of down.

"DAMN YOU JUN!" Emile yelled before the two crashed into the Phantom, causing the Covenant ship to explode. Carter heard the explosion and turned his head to look over his shoulder.

"Emile, Jun, report!" Nothing. "Shit." The Commander cursed.

XXX

Carter continued to fly to where Dot had set the destination.

"Almost there." Carter said out loud, the nightmare was almost over. He could see the shipyard now, he was so close. Two Scarabs dropped from the sky, turning their robotic heads towards his little ship."Oh come on!" He shouted to the sky.

"We're screwed, aren't we?"

"Who said that?"

"The AI strapped to your back. You know.. humanities last hope.."

"Oh. Don't worry, I don't give up easily. I'll get you to the _Autumn."_

"Riiight." Cortana said doubtfully as the mechanical purple monstrosities charged their canons. Carter looked at the large balls of plasma that were undoubtedly about to destroy them.

"Yep, we're screwed. I'm sorry that Noble couldn't do it."

"Poor humanity." The Scarabs fired.

"God damn you Jun." Carter said before the Pelican was obliterated.

XXX

Cortana never got off Reach. Halsey died in an unfortunate Pelican crash (except it wasn't unfortunate). The _Pillar of Autumn_ never got into space. Master Chief never got to fight the flood on Halo. Thel never became the Arbiter. Reach fell. Earth fell. The Covenant won the war. All of this happened because Jun couldn't freaking aim and his sniping skills sucked ass.

Damn you Jun!

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**See Jun, this is what would have happened if Noble Six didn't respawn. Get better aim!**

**Hope you all like my Jun and Halsey bashing hehe, sorry Jun and Halsey lovers but I always get my revenge }: ).**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing and check out my other Halo fics if you get bored :D! Se ya'll soon, SS out!**

**P.S. If you want to play Reach, message me. It be great to go against some other writers :D. **

**P.P.S. Am I the only one who finds Carter attractive? **_**Really **_**attractive? I mean **_**DAMN**_** he is fine!**


	8. Noble Themes: Carter

**Author note**

**I'm back bitches :D! I'm just kiddin' I love you guys :3 Anyway I finally got some ideas for this! I've been focused on my main Halo fic and starting a new fanfic project (yeah I know wtf is wrong with me?) but anyway here this is, sorry if it's a little short but I might do one of these for all of Noble. Hopefully you guys still read this and I hope you love it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Halo or the music used…**

**Enjoy : )**

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Carter stood under the warm water of the shower head, just enjoying the relaxing touch it had on his exercise tensed muscles. Noble Team was stationed at HQ for the time being and the members were just enjoying the free time they had. After a few minutes of standing under the hot spray, Carter turned off the water and grabbed his towel off the stall wall. He slung the white towel around his shoulders as he exited the stall, as a Spartan he never felt embarrassment when it came to being seen in his birthday suit. As he was drying his hair, a strange beat began to play in the background and his movements slowed. _What the?_ Was all he managed to think before…

**I'm bringin' sexy back.**

**Yeah.**

**Them other boys don't know how to act.**

**Yeah.**

**I think its special whats behind your back.**

**Yeah.**

**So turn around and I'll pick up the slack.**

Carter's eye twitched as he looked around the haunted showers and saw nothing. Nevertheless he took his towel and wrapped it around his waist protectively as the embarrassing music continued to play. Still feeling extremely self-conscious, Carter headed for the main part of the locker room to see where the suggestive music was coming from, and to get some clothes so he didn't feel like a piece of ghost eye candy.

As he peaked his head around the corner he say something that disturbed him in such away that he was, undoubtedly, mentally scared for life. Jun was standing next to one of the many benches in the locker room, striping slowly in a seductive manner while lip-syncing to the now declared evil song that was playing on his radio. Wait where did Jun get a radio? But these thoughts were stopped as Jun continued to dance dirtily. Carter's jaw dropped to the floor and he felt as if his eyes were burning out of their sockets. Jun turned, saw Carter, and gave a complete 'busted' look at the sight of the stricken Noble One. Jun hastily drew his clothes around his naked chest.

"Uh, Commander, this isn't what it looks like!"

"Jun, what were you doing?" Carter asked in what was little more than a fearful whisper.

"Nothing! I wasn't doing anything!" He yelled in a way that screamed 'guilty' before he grabbed the stereo and proceeded to toss it to some unseen corner of the locker room. "What are you talking about?" He said quickly. He was twitching and his face was deep red. Carter gave him a strange inquiring look.

"Um… okay then… I'm gonna get dressed and leave now." In record time the Commander had dressed and was out the door, all the while screaming something about 'bleeding eyes' and 'old pop music is of the devil'.

Jun let out a sigh as he watched his Commander flee in terror. He was never gonna let him live this down, and it didn't help the certain rumors that he knew were floating around. Now whether or not those rumors were true… The sniper shrugged and began humming the rest of the song in his head as he went to take his shower.

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**This has actually been floating around in my head since my friend asked the question:**

"**I wonder if the Noble Team members have there own theme songs?" **

**To which I replied with:**

"**Let us find out!" **

**And thus this was born. And oh yes of course I gave this song to Carter because for some unknown reason I find him extremely attractive, as I have mentioned before (but seriously, look at him my God!). **

**I plan on updating this again soon if ya'll wish. And if you want me to continue the 'theme song' thing just say. Oh! And make suggestions! Except for Jun and Kat, I know theirs 'grins evilly'.**

**I love you guys and thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story!**

**SS out.**

**Oh God I almost forgot! :O**

**Happy Bungie week! :D To honor this occasion I would love to play a match or two with you guys (though I'm not the best :p) the tags MotherMcKarther (don't ask) and just send a message saying your ff name and we shall fight like brothers!…? Sisters…? Siblings… 'sigh'**

**Halo for the win! Bungie too! :D**


	9. AMERICA!

**I'M BACK BITCHES!**

**Sorry about my long absence, I really had nothing when it came to new ideas for this story or writing down the ones I had. **

**I own nothing.**

**Hope you enjoy the AMURICA edition of SCfF : D.**

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Six was enjoying one of the few peaceful rests that she was able to snatch every so often at base. She had drifted off some time ago and was probably dreaming of shooting grunts while leaping aggressively through a field of fire. The rest of Noble was enjoying naps as well… except for two members.

"Time to wake up bitches!" Came the loud yell followed closely by a bugle.

"FACK!" Six practically jumped from her bed in shock and glared at her two teammates in the door, Kat looked about ready to kill someone, Jun was flailing madly in a tangle of sheets, and Jorge was looking at the entrance to the Spartan's living quarters with shock.

"It's time to celebrate freedom!" Shouted a patriotically decked out Commander. An old American flag was draped over his shoulders like a cape, and a red, white, and blue top hat adorned his head. He carelessly tossed the bugle over his shoulder, ignoring the cry of pain that followed.

"Hell yeah! AMERICA!" Added Emile, his helmet replaced with an eagles head.

"You two are idiots." Kat said with a shake of her head.

"Don't you disrespect freedom!" Emile snarled, pointing an accusing finger at the skeptical looking Spartan.

"Why are you two even doing this anyway?" Six asked, still looking at the two Spartans like they were out of their minds, which they probably were. A horrified gasp escaped the two men.

"You don't know what day it is?" Emile practically yelled with evident disgust.

"It's the frickin Fourth of July! You know what that means?"

"FREEDOM!" Emile struck a heroic pose.

"AMURICA!" Carter added with emphasis.

"Does America still even exist?" Jun asked.

"You watch your goddamn mouth!" Emile threatened, a finger pointed angrily at Jun.

"Are you two serious about this?" Six asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of my freedom." Carter snarked back, waving small American flags, while Emile played what could only be the American anthem. Six's eye twitched in annoyance, in an attempt to escape the over patriotic atmosphere she thought up a plan.

"Jun doesn't like America." She said seriously before easily walking past the stunned Spartans at the door.

"What? No! I love America its beautiful!" Jun panicked, waving his hands in front of him as if warding away the death sentence Six had practically placed on his head.

"You respect freedom!" Carter said dangerously, taking a step closer to the terrified sniper.

"And liberty!" Emile joined the Commander, still intimidating despite the eagles head.

"AMERICAAAAA!" The two shouted in unison as they pounced on Jun.

"I'm leaving." Kat said with a shake of her head as she made her way out of the room followed by Jorge.

It wasn't long after that Carter and Emile dramatically entered the break room, and tossed Jun unceremoniously on the floor. The poor Spartan was wrapped in the American flag that had decorated Carter's shoulders and he had a tuft of eagle feathers effectively gagging him. Carter placed his boot on Jun's still form and let out one last cry of "AMERICA!" while Emile attempted to make eagle screeches.

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**AMURICA!**

**Yeeeaaaaah I don't know what the hell is wrong with me either, I get all patriotic on the 4****th**** and for some reason this got into my head.**

**Sorry that it's a bit short, oh well : /.**

**Please leave suggestions in your reviews, without them I've got nothing with this story.**


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